btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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