So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
