I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
