Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
