Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
