Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
