Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
