ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
