I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need to calm my uterus...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
