I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize