Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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