if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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