You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Found your dick twin last night
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
