honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
