We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize