She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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