He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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