i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
