why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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