Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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