so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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