Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
