New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
