I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
