the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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