I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i came on her dog
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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