Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
