He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
