We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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