I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
