I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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