She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
