there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
