Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
