So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
