I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
