Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
