happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
