She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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