Im at strip club and am horny
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
