I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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