You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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