When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
