If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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