i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
there is puke in my bra ... again
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
