dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
