Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
