Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
