he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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