I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
