Im at strip club and am horny
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
