Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize