2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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