We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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