man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
