I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she peed on how many people?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize