walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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