I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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