I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
sarcasm needs its own font
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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