Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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