Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize