someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
