Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
