i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
