so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They have beer where we have blood.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize