Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
