Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
