please come you make the beer taste better
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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