please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
