I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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