rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
