i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
