She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
