I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
