you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
