I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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