you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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