did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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