Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
