i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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