Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
no, he came in my armpit
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
