the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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