I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
