don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
