Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
