I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
