i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
