my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
