making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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