I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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