and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
