my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
