I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
