I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
