i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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