im about as happy as oj after his trial
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
