You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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