Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
