i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
