Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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