a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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