I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
