I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We are two peas in an std pod
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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