He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
