woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i came on her dog
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
