Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize