I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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