I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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