Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
