Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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