I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
